I made a promise to myself quite some time ago. And I have gone against everything I ever said to myself. I hate myself and love myself for it. I promised to never let anyone in on my life, I promised to never become vulnerable, to be independent. And I've become everything but.
I'm a negative person, and I doubt that will ever change no matter how much I'd like it to. But if you never expect anything, you're never disappointed, you're never heartbroken or unhappy.
So here I am. Hoping for the best yet expecting the worst. I wish I could see a future. I wish I could sit here and picture in my mind myself in 10 years, 5 years, even 1 year. I don't see anything. I don't see myself there. Let alone you with me. You see most people my age have a future in mind. They see themselves seniors in school stressing about hsc, finishing school, having a gap year maybe, probably falling in love along the way, getting a job, marriage, children, being a parent, growing old with the ones they love. I don't see any of that. I can barely see myself at all.
And here we are. I love you. You made me believe in things, you make me feel like I'm worth something. You make me hate you for this. It's hard to explain. But now I'm scared. I'm scared because I know it's far too late to pretend I don't have a heart. And I'll tell you one future I can see. Is the end. I can picture it all to clearly.
I'm a negative person, and I doubt that will ever change no matter how much I'd like it to. But if you never expect anything, you're never disappointed, you're never heartbroken or unhappy.
So here I am. Hoping for the best yet expecting the worst. I wish I could see a future. I wish I could sit here and picture in my mind myself in 10 years, 5 years, even 1 year. I don't see anything. I don't see myself there. Let alone you with me. You see most people my age have a future in mind. They see themselves seniors in school stressing about hsc, finishing school, having a gap year maybe, probably falling in love along the way, getting a job, marriage, children, being a parent, growing old with the ones they love. I don't see any of that. I can barely see myself at all.
And here we are. I love you. You made me believe in things, you make me feel like I'm worth something. You make me hate you for this. It's hard to explain. But now I'm scared. I'm scared because I know it's far too late to pretend I don't have a heart. And I'll tell you one future I can see. Is the end. I can picture it all to clearly.