without life

and one day im going to leave this vivid life. this life of nothing. and im going to live a life of something. its going to be a nice change. lovely. because im not doing much with my life to be worth living it. im kinda just doing nothing. until i get my miracle. and thats the reason im still here. because i believe everyone has one chance at a life. everyone here is living. but not everyone is living life. you can be here but not properly. some people never live they push away their one chance. and the thing is i dont know what my chance is. what if ive pushed it away. what if its gone. i have no purpose here after all. im just there. like someone in the distance, in the background. very few people notice them. but im kinda okay with that now. i dont want to be in the center. where everyone stares at you. where they all expect so much. because im not living up to anyone elses expectations. im just living life. and i think my life is in the background. which is nice. i can run through the rain without being seen. i can wear my white dresses without caring what people think. i can dance to my own music not the stuff everyone listens to. i can play my guitar by myself without people hearing the real song. because really i dont care what people think, they probly dont think anyway. they just see. never think. i want to jump off a cliff for fun. i want to swing from a chandelier. i want to take pictures in greece. i want to live whatever i want. i dont want to have to live something. i want to choose. i like running. because its as if nothing else is happening. its as if nothing can catch you. its as if your in this life of just nothing. just yourself. just running. wherever you want. as if you could run to the edge of the earth and just jump off. like there is no time. nothing waiting for you. you dont have to be back at home at six. you can just keep running. away. all kinds of time. for nothing.