and the day is at end.

i don't know what's wrong with me. i don't know why i can never get it right. i am not exiting at all and its making me hate my life more at times. why won't anything happen. it may be like this for everyone, but its hurting me more. everyday. all i do is go to school. go home. go swim training. nothing. i hate thinking about it too much also. which is why im upset now. but i think i have to get it out. although it will always be in my mind. i like distracting myself so i wont start to think of these things. but today it is worse. i really need to see this show on today but i think that the television thing isnt going to work. its upsetting me because i love this show and its not on the internet either. my parents dont really understand though. they think oh well you can see it another day. but i need and want to see it now. i get overly obsessed with these things. but i dont care. i wish i wouldnt because it annoys me when im not doing things to do with it. i hate tuesdays and i want to fake sick tomorrow. im already sick. so it may work. its just i want to go swim training tomorrow morning but if i do mum will go up the wall on how if i can go to swimming i can go to school. tuesdays are most depressing. when i think about it i never act upset at school and it kind of annoys me because those who act sad think your all happy and they think that everyone is happy except them and that everyone can help them. im not that type. i dont think i have a type either. ive changed alot. no one knows how i have. im not planning on telling people either. it would worry them. or would it. i dont know anything anymore. well it isnt change in a bad way exactly, like emo im definately not that. i just feel stronger when im like this. i know when i was younger i thought i could never be like one of those girls but i am and i dont mind. as i said i feel stronger in a way, but not a way i can discribe or you would know. i dont think anyone has noticed either though which is all good but if they ever do i dont know what would happen. well im going to try and make the tv work after this otherwise i will cry. im going to learn a new song on guitar and play the ones i know when i get back. but untill then bye bye. keep reading my blog. because im in a mood to write blogs. oh and i hope my parents will see how much i want to watch the show so they will somehow fix it. i love you all, well not all but most anyways.