Today I saw you. I don't like seeing you. I don't like it when people speak about you. I don't like it when people try and talk about your problems. I don't like it when anyone mentions those types of problems. But you see, for that glimpse of a second I saw you, I can still see that those problems are there as ever. I hate you. I just want to scream at you, scream at you for poisoning my innocent mind. I was fine. You weren't. And now we're both not. And I used to think people could just turn these problems on and off, and I know now, you just can't. Maybe lose control for a day but living with the guilt just kills, it hurts more than a knife or heartbreak. I'm constantly looking back, what went wrong? what changed my mind? how did this happen to me? I was happy, I didn't care about these things. I still don't know if it was you who brought this along but I guess I like to blame you nonetheless. But the thing that makes me mad the most is that you'll always be perfect. No matter what you do, your going to be my version of perfection. Your always going to be there for me to compare myself to. I will never be as perfect as you, ever. But for now, I'm still trying, every day, hoping one day I might look in the mirror and see that perfection.
