depends on the moment

you know what. i'm not dreaming, i just wish i was. i wish it was all a dream. it still could be, just a nightmare. i want to wake up. wake up happy. wake up smiling. i don't want to be stuggling every day. i don't want to be bored of life. i want to float underwater listening to magical music. i want to feel like i weigh nothing. i want to not be thinking of anything. i don't want to try. i hate trying. trying is fucking shit. i want to be fucking pefect. i don't want to know everythings wrong with me. i don't want to know i am fat. i don't want to know i'm not attractive. i don't want to know the truth about myself. why can't i just be a ghost and float everywhere. i want to go somewhere like that. i hate how the sun rises and sets. it doesn't stop. it won't stop for anyone. anything. everything keeps going when everything has ended. i want a soundtrack playing always in my ears. i want my chosen song for each moment, cos truely i could find one. everyday, every second.